How To Deal With Drama From Others
When we have someone in our life who is being a drama queen or king, even if subtly, it can wear on us and feel like it is something we just have to deal with, something that it is outside of our control. This is especially true if it is someone in our immediate family or a dear friend. But there is always something that is within our control, in every situation. Our hearts go out to the part of them that is hurting and we extend our natural desire to comfort them.
This can be a form of compassion and empathy, but it can also feed into negative aspects of relationships like codependency, enablement, and the glorification of the negative. Don’t feed drama. Your heartfelt desire is surely to be helpful, but for some who are emotionally comfortable wallowing in their drama, they are not ready or willing to hear or follow your good intentions to lift them out of that place. The distance between where they are and your good intentions is too far for your efforts to have an effect. What we need are ways that work to lessen the drama in our lives. And then if something rubs off on those around us, that’s great too.
Here is a list of ideas for such situations:
- Share with them that you are working on raising your inner peace and that you are trying to reduce the drama in your life. If your conversation with them is not a comfortable one, mention that you would like to change the subject (perhaps they will get the clue that this would be a good idea for them as well, so they have more peace).
- Keep your distance from dramatists; tell dramatic people that you are there for them in thought, but cannot be there for them in the physical.
- Become a Pollyanna in the presence of a dramatist. For instance, if they are complaining about something in their life, state something wonderful, related to their topic … or not. Or state out loud the positive thing this life lesson is bringing to them. It may drive them a little crazy, but consider that this is a form of staying true to yourself and what you want in your life. You will find that it helps you stick to your intention and build your emotional intelligence muscle for positive thinking, and it may lift them up as well, or … reduce the frequency that they come to you to complain about the issues creating drama in their lives. Perhaps future interactions with them will remain on safe topics and be more uplifting.
- Tell the dramatist that your intention in spending time with them is not to help them resolve their issue, but to offer them a peaceful retreat and friendship away from those thoughts. So, while they are with you, the painful topic is off-limits. Bring out some tea, do an art project together, help them weed their garden, take them to a zoo, park or art gallery. Do anything other than feeding the drama and talking about problems.
- Show compassion, but try to show the compassion without words. Words can sometimes be interpreted as antagonistic, placating, demeaning, or any number of things you didn’t intend, for when they go through the other person’s filter, your intention may get distorted in their perception.
There is always something within your control, and you can be kind while still in pursuit of your own peace.